If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
