if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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