So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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