please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
