Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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