Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
