his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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