Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
