i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
