Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
