when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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