Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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