This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
