I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
