why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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