Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
