piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
