i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
