Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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