Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
