I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
