Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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