you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
