Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
