And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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