you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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