tell your sister to shave her snatch
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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