It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
