can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
