I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
