Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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