I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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