I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
