Already got asked if we're dating
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
