I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
