I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
