Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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