Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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