I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
