Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
