Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
