do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
