I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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