It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
