I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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