Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
