Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
