There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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