Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
