I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
