you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
