I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
