Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
