You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
