She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
