Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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