Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
