So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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