he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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